I received a note from a counselor asking about the material I blog about, specifically on the topic of shame. To set the record straight, I went to University to study Geography. No formal training here although I like to tap into the brains of some of my therapist/psychologist/social working friends. The topic of shame has had my mind going into overdrive for the past few months and I haven’t been able to get my thoughts written. The next few posts will be more of a brain dump to help make sense of things.
Where do you start off? I don’t think it’s a very useful discussion to examine the origins of shame although the earliest record I could think of was from the whole Adam and Eve story from the Bible. Because of the whole forbidden fruit fiasco, they hid themselves out of fear. To me, I consider this an experience in shame and we see this because of the unknown consequences around the corner. But I realize that I am placing my own interpretation or lens on this story. And this is derived from my own experiences with shame. From what I can remember, when I did something wrong it was really difficult to force out an apology when commanded to by my parents. Shame was directly connected to doing something wrong and the associated consequences.
Therefore, I think it’s safe to conclude that shame is real and exists. It spawns some form of fear which triggers self-protective behavior. Does it have a bigger picture purpose? Is it a genetic thing that we are built with or socially created and conditioned? Can it be eliminated from our future experiences?
The ultimate goal here is to figure out how to deal with shame in a healthy, productive manner. Because it is a certainty. We will experience more than once in life. And I believe we are poorly trained in dealing with a lot of strong emotions. Just like physical trauma, mistreatment leads to impaired function and handicap. Ever wonder why families are dysfunctional? It’s because family members are dysfunctional. Why are people dysfunctional? It’s not because we are born this way. And I don’t buy the argument that dysfunction is the norm even though we all are to varying degrees.
